The Speech George Wrote Before Editing

The Speech George Wrote Before the Editors got to It

My fellow ‘Mericans. I come before you tonight to lie once again about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan,
It seems we may have underestimated your stupidity. We now know that when we failed to produce WMD’s , you were ok to have us keep on killing. After all there was Saddam still to catch after we failed so miserably in catching Osama.
Once we found Saddam, we saw you were ok with us continuing the killing to establish democracy. Even after we got caught with the torture thing it went away until that fucking McCain kept bring it up.
I brought in Alberto Gonzales to interpret things so the torture would seem legal. I brought in a new Supreme Court Justice to pad the court against any possible vote against us.
I rigged another election without Jeb’s help this time. Thanks to my friends over at Diebold for all their efforts, by the way. I knew I could screw the poor blacks in Cleveland without much being said. And John and I agreed if he let me win this time the Skulls would work for him later on.
John did a brilliant job in losing an election that was in the bag waiting for him to win. I think his idea of the Swifties was the best thing since Karl skewered that fucking McCain in South Carolina. Even better than fucking over Max Cleland. These stupid Vietnam veterans will never learn the rich don’t give a fuck about them losing some jungle war in some place I can’t even find on the map.
Well this summer, there were a lot of problems. First some crazed bitch stakes herself out at my ranch area’s road demanding to talk to me. Just because she lost a kid in the war. Hell, bitch, freedom ain’t free and it’s an all voluntary military.
Next, a bunch of damn blacks didn’t have enough sense to leave New Orleans when we blew the levees to protect the rich and the oil. And apparently most of ‘em can’t swim too well either. Brownie did a great job of waiting until I woke to let me know what was happening. He knows I need my eight hours every night.
But were they happy down there when we sent my mama to the Astrodome?  Hell they tore up the Superdome until it will be next season until the Saints can play there. And it wasn’t me who let all those school buses sit while a bunch of blacks got flooded. It was another black man.
Yeah, sure they told me to declare an emergency but there weren’t none until the hurican came along. I couldn’t  act on something that didn’t happen.
Now it seems some of you are upset cause we have a few problems. I’m sure we can fix it so Dick, Karl and Tom will get off. And the Halliburton folks have promised to pay a few bucks more a week to those Pakis and Indians they hired to serve chow to our brave troops.
Sure, we’ve lost over 2000 brave ‘Mericans to the war. War’s hard. We all need to sacrifice. We can cut and run like that coward Kerry wanted us to do back in ‘Nam or we can stand and fight. If 9-11 didn’t scare you then just think of another 9-11. That’s what we face. 9-11 was a tragic moment in our lives and I don’t want another 9-11. 9-11 is why we fight over there so we won’t have to fight here and have another 9-11.
I have been told we’re winning in Iraq and just need to get the Iraqi police trained to pull our troops out. We have a choice here today…we can push forward and win or we can leave and lose. I will not let us lose. So it’s up to the ‘Merican people to decide where you stand.
We will merely tap your phones to discover where you stand. All the things we hear will be private and never be used against any ‘Merican that shows support for ‘Merica.
Don’t worry ‘Merica, be happy. We’re winning our struggle against insurgent Arab, fundamentalists, Islamics, Buddhist, Hindu, black, brown and olive skinned terrorist to prevent another 9-11. Good Christians like James Dobson will lead the way to the new ‘Merica..
My fellow ‘Mericans, we shall prevail against all who threaten our freedoms and all who try to use them against us. We will assure the rights of all ‘Mericans will be protected unless they’re on our list. We have made out lists and we’re checking them twice. We’ll be making visits to those on the dark side of terrorism.
We currently have contracted for forty more secret prisons to send the terrorists to in countries that have legal torture.
This will keep us from breaking the laws. We don’t break the law in this ‘Ministration. We are a country of laws.
Fear not ‘Merica, my ‘ministration is in charge and will be so as long as we have to be.
God bless ‘Merica. Goodnight.
And remember, smiling won’t break your face.
Georgie