Imagine...I Can't

Imagine hearing the incoming roar of a missile as your children cry in fear.
Imagine the terror of a three year old hearing the neighborhood they were born in explode in furious explosions coming from the air late in a darkened night.
Imagine a father seeing his son decapitated by the large piece of shrapnel from the bombs dropped on the village.
Imagine the horror of having white phosphorus burning the skin to the bone without a way to extinguish the searing heat.
Imagine sleep interrupted by men dressed in military uniforms, weapons pointed toward all the family and speaking loudly in a language unknown to all.
Imagine your husband and teen-aged son being forced to their knees with hands on their heads.
Imagine their hands being roughly tied with plastic loops behind their back and a burlap hood placed over their heads.
Imagine young men touching your daughters and you with their hands from head to toe as they speak in voices angry and loud.
Imagine your son and husband being taken away without knowing where it is they go.
Imagine your daughter and wife being left alone in a city already bombed to rubble while you and your son are taken away to a prison of unknown origin.
Imagine not understanding the yelling soldiers that entered your house, being struck with a rifle butt and made to lay flat on your belly as young men fondle your daughter and wife.
Imagine watching your adolescent son being choked and thrown to the floor next to you with his nose bleeding and his eye socket swollen.
Imagine being put in a holding cell with fifty to sixty other men in the heat of summer where the temperatures stay in the upper nineties or the one hundreds.
Imagine the smell of the place with only one sink and one hole in the floor for a toilet.
Imagine the flies and mosquitoes attracted by the crowded and filthy conditions.
Imagine the anger of some and the bullying by others among the group.
Imagine guards coming once each day to take you to a darkened cell to question you through an interpreter you recognize as a former member of the dictator’s secret police.
Imagine the sense of drowning as they strap you on a board and immerse your head into a pool of water.
Imagine being unable to answer the questions they keep asking and demanding you know answers for.
Imagine being stripped before the foreign women and made to sit nude in the cell for hours on end.
Imagine the screams of others echoing through the prison unknown in location.
Imagine your son being taken away to never be seen again.
Imagine the angry foreign voices continuously demanding you tell them where the enemy is located.
Imagine after nine months you’re released to go to a home no longer standing.
Imagine hearing your daughter perished in bombing by people who claim to be your liberator.
Imagine your wife battered and mute with inconsolable grief wracking her soul.
Imagine having no word or knowledge of your son.
Imagine seeing your neighbors lying in the street with missing limbs and the mask of death on their faces.
Imagine the burning rubble of your place of worship.
Imagine sewage as the only available water supply.
Imagine constant darkness at night without the electrical power.
Imagine scavenging food from the ruins of the city in order to survive.
Imagine seeing your brother shot in the temple by the sniper of the liberators.
Imagine the remaining live children bloated from dysentery and water-borne illnesses.
Imagine the ravages of radiation sickness caused by something the foreigners used to destroy your village. Imagine daily fights with family and neighbors for rations of available food and water.
Today I imagined all this when the man called President arrived in my city.
I imagined all of it as I read and heard about his luncheon costing one thousand dollars per person.
I imagined it all as I saw his caravan race past me and the group of people protesting his visit.
I imagined it as I saw buses lined to block any view he may have of us or we of him.
I imagined it as I thought of his lies and blatant arrogance.
I imagined it as I heard his shallow reasons to “stay the course”.
Today I imagined all of it as I was told by others in the activist community I shouldn’t come across as angry to the lying members of the mainstream press.
I imagined it all as I was told using certain words considered obscene by some was counter-productive and a form of violence.
I imagined it all as I listened to others tell some of us not to behave in a way that would upset the liars of the press and the lying President’s people.
Today I imagined it all as I saw veterans of the insanity now and insanities of the past.
I imagined it all as I saw my friend whose family lives in such a place vent her anger.
I imagined it all as I tried to forget my time as the oppressive foreigner.
I can’t imagine why I should quiet my angry voice.
I can’t imagine why the use of obscenity should upset any in this country if the true obscenity of this President and his hideous and evil actions don’t upset most people of this country all that much.
I can’t imagine having rules of gentility in times of unconscionable corruption and violence by those in power.
I can’t imagine protocols of kindness toward those perpetrators of brutality.
Maybe John Lennon could imagine we shall overcome and lay down our swords and shields down by the riverside.
I wonder if he could imagine American violence taking away his dreams of nothing to live or die for.
As for me, I’ve lost my imagination of goodness and kindness toward brutal oppressors of the poor and weak.
I’ve lost my imagination of caring about the feelings of those who only bring hate and fear to all around them.
Imagine that. I wonder if you can.


Terry Leichner
USMC

Freedom Ain't Free - Veterans Day 2005

G.W. Bush has spoken the truth today. He let them liberals and commie bastards have it right where it hurts. They tried revising history but my President rightfully corrected them.He reminded them Dems they saw the same stuff he saw about weapons of mass deduction.

It wasn't his fault the liberal spies of the CIA couldn't get things right. It wasn't his fault the Brits didn't tell him about the lack ofweapons of mass deception before he sent the boys over to kill terrorists.

Besides we got Saddam didn't we? People ought to be thankful that bastard is no longer around to torture and maim people. Why he dropped illegal weapons on innocent civilians. What a barbaric thing to do.

You watch, someday soon there will be a connection made that Saddam helped plan 9-11. I'm confident the new intelligence guy will find what the President wants.

The President's right about the troops having their morale lowered by these idiots calling for their withdrawal immediately. Just think how they'd feel leaving Iraq to Islamic terrorist who have no respect for life. And letting them have all that oil would be a catastrophe.

That's why we had to level that damn Fallujah. The Islamic terrorists had taken over the place. Sure some kids and old ladies got killed but that's how war goes. It happens in every war.

And besides, you can't trust the kids. They might be terrorists in training. And some of those old people don't have nothing to live for so they just become suicide bombers. Hell they don't even have running water in that place.

The liberals are always talking about the negative things. Like torturing those bastards at Abu Ghraib. If they weren't terrorists they wouldn't have been there. We don't just grab anybody off the street to put in prisons like that.

We need to talk about all the good things that our boys have done since they got there. Look at the new democracy they have. Our boys stood guard so they could vote. They even looked after the vote count so they could know who they elected.

Then there's the construction they've got going. We have new air bases being built. Halliburton and KBR are on it. And what do they get back from all of it? Accusations they're making money. So what!! Business is supposed to make money or they go out of business.

Those airbases are going to make sure Iraqis are safe the rest of their lives. Our boys make sure Halliburton guys get to work and back. They guard the bases where the work is going on.

We need to help the troops out by supporting them. We've given them big parades every time they come back to the U.S.. Hell, some of those guys have had three parades.

We should show our support by flying Old Glory wherever we can. I swell up with pride at seeing those cars go by with the flag flying off their ski racks. We should get those ribbon things to show our support too. I got three on my car.

I drive through the parking lot at church and see a whole bunch of them. The social action committee sold them a while back to do fund raising for the church.

And everybody's complaining about lack of armor for our boys. I saw on the news our guys just take the armor off the burned out Iraqi tanks and weld it on their vehicles. That's Yankee ingenuity for you.

I'm glad the President has kept the public from seeing the dead troops' caskets when they come back. The family needs their privacy. Just leave flowers at the graves if you want to show respect.

That damn Sheehan woman has a lot of damn gall. They should arrest that woman. She ain't the only one who got a kid killed over there. You don't see the rest of them making damn fools of themselves. They keep their mouths shut to honor their boys.

My boys almost enlisted. Then they got offers to work at Exxon and couldn't turn that down. Hell, they make ten times as much as they could've made in the Army. It'd be foolish to give that up. They'd have died for our President, though; if they'd have gone.

They're true blue patriotic. They fly the flag on their new houses they just bought. They buy those rubber wrist bands, too.

The other day a bunch of those damn scruffy looking war vets who say they're against the war showed up. My boys went and stood on the corner for nearly four hours showing the flag and letting those guys have it.

Just because they got wounded they think they should have special priviliges. Hell, I had to cut back on my four-wheeling up in the national park because the gas prices shot up so bad. We're sacrificing here,too.

My friends don't take their RV out nearly as much as they used to. And they loved to take it out on the road and go camping. I went once with them. They even had t.v. and a satelitte dish. I love camping but it's kind of bad for getting all dirty.

I heard a bunch of those peacenik vets went down to New Orleans and tried to butt in on FEMA and the Red Cross. Took a bunch of stuff down there and tried to go out without permission from FEMA.

I feel bad about things down there but what the hell can you expect if you're going to live below sea level next to a levee?

Barbara Bush was right. They had it a lot better in Houston than where they came from. Now they're all going to get free trailers to live in like they did in Punta Gorda, Florida. Look at them..they been allowed to stay over a year in government housing.

We only get occasional forest fires around here. One year it almost got the trees we have right outside our bedroom window. I need to trim that one cause the branches are scraping against the house.

So, anyway, I think the President is right to jump down the throats of them liberals. Look at all these investigations they started. Hell, Cheney's guy had to quit because there's a vendetta going on. The guy didn't do anything close to what that damn Clinton did.

What...he talked to a reporter. So what? Now the New York Times have got rid of her. Just like them to go after the only conservative reporter they had.

You watch, when we get all those bases built the Iraqis will be cheering us in the streets. They have a new constitution and free elections. We're even paying some of them for the deaths of guys who were in a place we were bombing or shelling.

What the hell they expect if they hang around when our boys are fighting those terrorists they hide in their towns? The peaceniks say it's an occupation. Well all I got to say is freedom ain't free.

I think my President did the right thing to use Veterans Day to tell it like it is. Someone's got to tell the truth about things. And George is a man of God. He's got God in back of him to make sure the truth is known.

That's why Kerry lost. Even them Catholic priests wouldnt give him confession because he wouldn't speak out about all the abortions going on. And the homosexual marriages. If God wanted men marrying men or women marrying women there'd be something in the Bible.

I've read the Bible and there's nothing saying there should be those kinds of marriages. It sure says a lot about war, though.

You look inthe old testament and it talks plenty about God's people going to war against the evil-doers. My President knows all this and goes by what the "good book" says. He's not afraid to say he's a Christian.

I mean Jesus would have wanted our President to acknowledge he's a Christian and to do the Christian thing. Our President says God even talks to him. I believe it.

Well that's all I got to say. I think there's a tape of a NASCAR race about to start. If that's not on, I'm pretty sure Survivor's on. They got that ex-Dallas Cowboy quarterback on there. I'll bet he wins the whole thing.

My parting words are America, love it or leave it. And if you're an illegal get the hell out. Quit taking our jobs.

This article written by WilliamTerry Leichner

It was meant to stereotype all groups and beliefs. If I missed your particular group or belief let me know for next time

Iraq Vets At DC Rally (Sept 24, 05)

These are some of the young women and men I was honored to spend time in Crawford, Covington and DC with over the summer of 2005. They have shown great courage, compassion and caring for their brothers and sisters still in Iraq and for the Iraqi people. They are the true patriots of our time.

Vietnam Veterans Against the War

Veteran Advocacy Since 1967

Mike Cuzzhort and vets at Sept 24, 05 rally

Our Young Women and Men

I've been told the young women and men of this nation "don't care", "are apathetic", "don't follow up" and so on by other activists.
I just finished looking at the photos of the SOA actions this weekend. What struck me were the remarkable young women and men so prevalent in those photos.
I've had the wonderful opportunity to attend the vigil/rally at Crawford, Texas started by Cindy Sheehan and the Veterans For Peace in August.
I followed that with a journey to Covington, La. to lend a tiny bit of help to relief efforts for Katrina survivors started by VFP members. I ended up in Colorado Springs' Camp Casey for a day and a half. Then I went to the rally in D.C. on September 24th.
Yeah, I was lucky to have the time to do all this. I decided I needed to take the time to rediscover the American peace and justice movement. I came away with many conflicting thoughts as many of CCJP know. Many have commented about some of the thoughts I expressed.
I discovered the movement remains stale in many ways. The same people doing the same things as if they're rituals that must be kept at all costs. Speeches and songs sounding very much like the old days of the movement. Celebrities jumping on and off the bandwagon when it suits their own personal needs. Others seeking celebrity and forgetting the reasons for the struggle.
I discovered no matter where I went there would always be meetings that consumed too much time. There were always groups attempting to make their agenda the only agenda to be discussed. There remains the male dominated hierarchy of decision making. There remain the usual people who have to gain control at all costs because they've not learned how to put away the ego for the common good and don't want others to take leadership roles.
I discovered the "old hands" of the movement overlook the new members and often times drive them away. Patronization and dismissive attitudes keep the young and the people of color at a distance. People of poverty are looked upon as objects of pity and needing our help but too often they don't get their say in the way their lives should go. Too often the movement thinks it knows best.
Returning veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan try to join the movement and discover it's a lot like the military. Too many bosses and not enough community. They know first hand of the carnage that must be the first priority and become frustrated with being co-opted by others who push causes that won't bring more to the movement but will alienate those that might join.
Yeah, I'm talking about negative things. People say I shouldn't do it. I've been told what I should say by members of my own coalition. I've been told I shouldn't have fun at a rally. I've been told I shouldn't upset the community.
I'm told civil resistance is “walking the walk” and see planners include police in the plan. I've been told being arrested is civil disobedience and then see fines being paid if convicted. How is it resistance if we aren't willing to resist paying the fine out of conscience and moral belief?
Then I remember the glorious times of these past few years. I remember the days before the war and all the days after the war. And always the faces of young people enter my memories. I remember Zoe, Nick, Sarah, Robin, Courtney, Melissa, Tex, Kristin and countless others “walking that walk” in efforts to prevent the war and later to stop it.
I remember Abdul Henderson, gracious, well spoken and passionate. I think of Mike Cuzzhart, Kelly Dougherty, Jeff Englehart, Joe Hatcher and Garret Reppenhagen. They are the voices of the returning veterans. Their voices are the ones that will be heard with greatest impact.
I recall many conversations in the “Ditch” in Crawford with young vets and young activists that inspired me and gave me great hope for the future.
I think of Dahlia Wasfi standing up for the people of Iraq. Presentation after presentation she walks the walk.
I met countless young people in Covington willing to give their time, energy and passion to the cause of relief for Katrina survivors. I have photos of a group of young college students from Minnesota that drove all night to get to Covington to pitch in.
I don’t buy the young people are apathetic, lazy, don’t care or don’t have the same passion. I’ve witnessed a great number of them giving new energy and new idealism to the movement.
I think it time for us older activists to realize our ways may need changing. We can no longer sing “We Will Carry On” and expect the younger generation to feel as we do about the meaning of the song. They rightfully have their own anthems that energize them. We need to accept the young on an equal basis and encourage them to be part of us.
Hip hop and rap has been telling the urban story for many years now but we’ve not been listening. Alternative has voiced the outrage of our society but we’ve dismissed it.
I have found new energy and new hope by hanging out with young people as much as I can. I looked at the folks running Food Not Bombs in the New Orleans disaster and saw caring people. Most were young. The idealism I found reignited my own hopes and idealism.
The question facing the mainstream movement is why we haven’t embraced these wonderful young women and men and given them a bigger role and voice in things we do. I hope they will come to realize they are welcome and join with us in the ongoing struggle.
We “old-timers” may have to change our ways. We may have to listen more. We will have to give up the power and the leadership of the movement to the good hands of our young men and women. For me, it will be an honor to pass the torch on to the outstanding people I’ve met over these past few years.
I don’t fear for the future when I consider who I’ve met and worked with. I’m thankful for the opportunity to be around them. I thank them for the inspiration they’ve been to me.

In Peace,
Terry Leichner, RN
Vietnam Veterans Against the War

Bloodiest Day (Written Jan 27, 05)

While this was the bloodiest day of US losses, Bush deliberately avoided direct mention of the helicopter crash. He didn't want to focus on the negative. This is the 1984 double-speak we're going to hear. Can't have the American people so upset we might actually give a damn some families' son or daughter was lost in the ongoing orgy of hate, violence and war.Better we go out and put the flag at half mast and buy some more ofthose magnetic yellow ribbons for our cars. That way our kids will know we care. Of course we will never know the bloodiest day for the innocent Iraqi citizens. We don't do body counts! We don't talk about collateral damage or unintended casualties. We don't say we're sorry. We do as our President and Commander-in- Chief says to quote a young man in DC on Jan 20.We're just doing our duty and if they ask that's what we say. We can always fry the enlisted and lower rank officers if things go bad. And why should we care, it's a volunteer military and they're just doing their "job". We don't have to accept any responsibilty because we chose another career path and we're just doing our jobs. Maybe we can get Springsteen in town to make us care. He draws big crowds and likes to take on social causes. Then we can participate int he cause and enjoy good music too.It takes a lot of energy to go ask the government to please stop killing people, animals and other living things. And the snow is so good up in the mountains, sorry I need a break. Hey I'd go but the new Survivor starts tonight and all that killing stuff reallydepresses me. Oh it never does any good to protest. I'm not into that stuff. We need to make sure we don't upset anybody because then we lose credibility. Besides people dying isn't near as important as getting voting machines that will let us have a fair election. So we can vote for....Dean?, Nader? Clinton? ....well maybe some savior candidate will appear. Democracy Now or is it Democracy Then? When exactly did we lose our rights? Was it when we were watching the Sox win the pennant? Or maybe when we decided all politicians are corrupt and why vote? Or when we let them pass a city ordinance to kick poor people off the mall.Where's the body count story? Oh, there it is on page 60. I think it was the story after the Dumb Friends pledge drive on Channel 9. No,it was after the weather on Channel 7. God, did you see that little girl all blood splattered from her parents being shot by the American soldiers? I wish they'd quit putting that stuff on the front page. It really upsets me. And besides it just gives those terrorists more fuel to go out killing people. Protesting no longer works. The tactics of the past don't work today. We need to do a PR campaign where it grabs people's attention. Maybe we can put a billboard up that says PEACE NOW or Support the troops,bring them home. I can't go to jail even if I do believe in the cause. I can't break the law. Do you believe they locked up people over three years without a trial? Gee, I saw those torture pictures from Abu whatever, gross. I had to stop looking. Hey the cops wouldn't have shot him if he'd put the knife down..and besides he was retarded. Those types are crazy. Can you believe three nuns were sent to prison? The evil of abortion is intrinsically more evil than war which can sometimes be justified or the death penalty. The Archbishop says so. He's the leader of the Church. I saw today is the anniversary of Auschwitz - over a million killed there alone. Yeah, well that many or more died in Cambodia. I heard 3 million VietNamese died in the war. That's nothing, they say one nuke can kill millions in just minutes. Those nuns shouldn't have broken the law. They had their chance to plead out. Hey they dropped charges against the Columbus day parade protesters!! Yeah, the News and Post say they should grow up because all they did was violate the Italians' rights by not letting them have a parade in peace. They're trying to compare Columbus to Hitler...that's really stupid. Besides those tribes had cannibals. I think I read there were over 10 million indigeneous people north of Mexico when Columbus arrived. By the 1700's there were only one million left. How'd that happen? Ok, so what's the point?
I'm just going to quit watching the news and reading the newspaper. Ok Mr. President.

American Empire Crumbling (Written Feb 04, 05)

So Governor Bill Owens is outraged by the statements of Ward Churchill and appalled by the resulting violence that occurs following a right wing witch hunt not seen since the days of McCarthyism.
It’s become overtly clear the Bill of Rights has been lost again. For the past week the conservatives and the gutless Democrats have wrung their hands about an essay written three years ago. They’ve created a media circus over an essay taken totally out of context while the rest of the world burns, starves, freezes or explodes as a result of politicians either not doing their jobs or selling out to the highest bidder.
But once again, the local media would rather chase fire trucks or issues inane than actually do serious journalism.
The media frenzy has become the famous tactic of Karl Rove and all his little robots. When the rich and elite hear ideals and thoughts they don’t like they attack like vicious and rabid dogs. Character assassination to defend the indefensible like preemptive wars, deaths of children, failure of social programs for the poor and weakest are the masterpieces of the conservative right who want all free speech to filter through their ears, their religions and their “value” system.
The lapdog media gathers in frenzy and milks every drop of blood from lies and innuendoes fed to them by the “masters”. And the illiterate Americans who survive on 30 second sound bites representing as news cry out in rage right on cue. It would strain the brains of the average “Joe” to actually read an in-depth article detailing the reasons why most of the world fears and hates this country and its people. We look upon life as if a football game and relish intimidation and fear tactics toward anybody who disagrees with us.
We never want to accept social or cultural differences that might be opposed to the European culture. We never want to accept responsibility for actions of our government or ourselves disenfranchising another group. If we don’t like history in this nation, we just revise it to suit our whims and our biases. It prevents us from ever maturing beyond the mindset of a toddler.
We’re an immediate gratification society who cares little about the rest of the world. In fact we contemptuously look upon the rest of the world as beneath us and feel entitled to rape and pillage its natural resources and enslave its poorest to manufacture our items of comfort.
We’ve become Wal-Mart tacky and crude. We never give a thought from where the cheap goods come just as long as they keep coming. It strains our brain too much to think about social issues of oppression against black, brown, red or yellow brothers and sisters.
It complicates our lives to actually try to understand reasons for war or terrorism. And if they do it to us we’re entitled to ten times the retribution. American lives are more important than any other lives as is well evidenced by any war we perpetrate. Americans lose thirty soldiers in one day and it takes precedence to the thirty thousand killed by Americans.
We are arrogant, lazy and stupid. Just like the rest of the world claims. We elect vapid and shallow men and women to lead us without question based on lies and viciousness. We don’t inform ourselves why we send our children out to hunt other humans to kill them or be hunted and be killed. We accept the words of the corrupt elite who strive every day to keep us from the truth.
We follow religious leaders who fatten themselves on the monies of their congregations, twist and distort spiritual ideals for their own good and claim to be chosen by God. These clerics decry the fundamentalism in the Muslim world but they are the Christian and Jewish Ayatollahs of this land.
The politicians and the religious have made a pact with evil to further their own agenda and could care less about the poor and weakest. Bill Owens, George Bush, James Dobson, Charles Chaput and all their clones have mastered controlling the minds of the simple. They’ve used the simple minded to intimidate the people who think for themselves in mob actions and character assassinations across this country.
Only when the people of this country come out of their self imposed coma will their lives be better. Only when they lose their jobs, their security, their children and their life style will they realize once again they’ve been duped. As in the fascist and oppressive nations it may be too late to undo what has taken place. And this American empire will fall like all other empires intolerant of diversity and responsibility.

About Enlisting

What does an old man tell a young man or woman today?
I can’t tell you opportunity for a better life exists that doesn’t.
Can’t tell you there are jobs with good pay when there aren’t.
I can’t tell you the crack, ecstasy and smack will leave the scene.
Can’t tell you gangs won’t bang; racism and sexism wont stay.
I can’t tell you babies won’t have babies; young men will be responsible.
Can’t tell you hungry kids won’t go to overcrowded and decaying schools.
I can’t tell you cops won’t roust the black and brown brothers and sisters.
Can’t tell you justice is equal for all and jails will free those caged unjustly.
I can’t tell you date rapes will stop or men will understand no means no.
Can’t tell you the AIDS and HIV plague will be cured anytime soon.
I can’t tell you old men will understand the problems of the young.
Can’t tell you child abuse, spouse abuse and neglect will stop at all.
I can’t tell you someone won’t break your heart and leave you crying.
Can’t tell you special people in your life won’t leave or keep dying.
I can’t tell you politicians aren’t corrupt and sell you out without a doubt.
Can’t tell you greed, corruption, pollution and poverty will ever end.
I can’t tell you the world will get better anytime soon or anytime at all.
Can’t tell you good news when bad news prevails, I only wish I could.

I can tell you about war, brutality, sleepless nights and nightmares.
Can tell you recruiters will assure there are opportunities and jobs.
I can tell you how the military will make promises they won’t keep.
Can tell you once you sign you become a number, an instrument, a tool.
I can tell you the DI will try breaking you and taking away your identity.
Can tell you, if at war, the hate words about enemies will start immediately.
I can tell you they want you not to question and to take away your humanity.
Can tell you they’re serious when they boast you’re a killer of the USA.
I can tell you they won’t teach about the culture of the other side.
Can tell you they want you to hate and kill without a thought or doubt.
I can tell you training you get will never prepare for what is real.
Can tell you all the glory and ideals of war are only phony myths.
I can tell you death you see is real and there will be no game-overs.
Can tell you bombs and rockets can’t sort the babies from the men.
I can tell you friends will die and cry in pain and you’ll want no more.
Can tell you nothing will surprise soon about the brutal game of war.
I can tell you death is unpredictable; seldom makes any sense who or why.
Can tell you life is changed forever and your youth gone if you don’t die.
This old man hopes you stop and think before you let them have their way.


Terry Leichner, RN
USMC combat infantryman
Vietnam - Dec 31, 1967 – Feb 12, 1969
India Company, 3rd Batallion, 5th Marines
Purple Heart (2), Bronze StarCo-founder Vietnam Veterans Against the War, Denver

Imagine (Written August 22 05)

A Parent Sitting Up Late at Night

Can you imagine what it would be like to see them come up to your door?

Can you imagine how it must feel when they say those five words?

We regret to inform you.do you hear anything but those five words?


In uniforms and grim looks on their faces, and your child in the war.
Can you imagine telling your husband or wife your child is gone?

Your child whose birth gave your greatest joy is gone.



I'm sitting here in the middle of the night wondering how someone could question a mother or father who lost a child to this war. How could someone in good conscience accuse a mother of politicizing the death of their child?
Have we grown so disconnected with our humanity we can't imagine the day a parent sees the dark colored car drive up to their street, up to their house and uniformed men emerge?

If you're a parent, maybe you can imagine hearing those five words.
It's your greatest nightmare. You lie awake at night wondering where your child is at tonight.

You hate hearing the phone late at night. You hate seeing strange dark cars in your neighborhood. You can't stand the newspaper or television news.

Then imagine the five words. Will you hear beyond them? Will you know before they say them?

Then there will be telling the rest of the family. You tell it over and over again, your child is gone. You want to scream out insanely. How can they be gone!!!!!?

Imagine the memories of your child first walking. The first words from their lips. The first worrisome cold. How can they be gone?

Imagine when you watched them swim, or skate or play baseball or football.
Imagine playing basketball with them in the driveway in the fall as the leaves turned gold. Imagine the graduation and the joy in their face.

Imagine the day they leave your house to enter boot camp. The next time you see them their hair is short and they seem different and changed.

Imagine the last flight you see them off at the airport. The last phone call from the place of the war. The last letter.

Imagine the day when, with a broken heart and empty soul, you follow the dark hearse with your beloved child inside a casket. Imagine the numb feeling as you get out and see the burial plot where your child will be lowered into the earth. There will be words from the Bible, the Torah or Koran. They don't bring your child alive.

There will be family all around you but you'll be as lonely as you'll ever be. They'll hand you a triangle in red, white and blue like it will replace your child or there is something there to comfort you.

Imagine the final moments as the casket is lowered into the ground.
The
thought of your child leaving this earth before you rips at your heart. You hear over and over the words of sympathy and comfort and they are arrows that smash into your spirit in reminder of your child.

Then everybody leaves, you're alone with only the terrible thoughts of the death of your child. You wonder how it really happened. You wonder if your child suffered. You wonder if they died alone. Death for you would be a welcome thing instead of these thoughts you have.

Imagine after the first month or so, everybody seems to think you're able to be yourself again. They'll never understand you'll never be yourself again; you'll never be whole again. Your child is gone and each day is a struggle to get up and each day the sorrow begins again.

Imagine returning to work and seeing the looks and the avoidance of some and the overbearing presence of others. They don't know.

Imagine going to the grocery store and seeing a child with a smile like the smile of your child. You want to scream out your child is gone!!
They'll look the other way to avoid the sadness you hold in your heart.

Imagine the silence between you and other family members. You're left to think of the moments of each day when your child would get up, go to school, return from school, go to a friends, eat dinner, go to practice, get ready for bed. Each moment so damn precious and you failed to recognize it at the time.

Imagine hearing a song and becoming tearful because it was your child's favorite. Seeing a book and the memory of discussing the plot and characters with such joy.

That's all I can do. Imagine it. My mom and dad feared it each day of 1968.
They imagined it but they never heard those five words. I survived my war.

I imagined my sons being that dead child as I sat here this late, late night. My heart ached from just the thought of it. I had memories of them swimming and running. I remembered the day of each birth. I remembered reading Mark Twain or Watership Down to them.

All those memories of my children came flooding back to me and I couldn't really imagine how gut wrenching awful it would be to hear those five terrifying words!!!

"We regret to inform you.."