Sunday, October 29

The Hateful Pulpit of the Archbishops


Archbishop Chaput with the man he "didn't endorse" soon after the election he didn't endorse him for.

Clarification: I've incorrectly stated there are three archbishops in Colorado. Charles Chaput is the only archbishop. The other two clergy (Tafoya and Sheridan) mentioned are bishops. Also I've been told Catholics recognize other Christian marriages but my point was to be a Catholic I had to be married in the Church even though I'd already been married by a Baptist minister twenty five years earlier.

Charles Chaput and his fellow archbishops here in Colorado should be ashamed for the deceptive and disingenuous way they endorse Amendment 43 and call for the defeat of Referendum I in the upcoming election.
Both ballot issues concern same sex marriage/same sex unions. Amendment 43 would create an amendment to the state constitution that defines marriage as “one man, one woman”. This amendment is explicitly directed at gays and lesbians as a group to prevent any possibility of a legally accepted marriage.
Amendment 43 does nothing to enhance the lives of people but does perpetuate homophobic hatred. The archbishops claim the amendment is needed to “protect” the sanctity of marriage and family as God intended.
Since the Catholic Church only accepts a Catholic marriage as a marriage recognized in the eyes of God it seems strange they’d be worried about civil arrangements. It’s highly improbable the Church will ever allow a same sex marriage. So what is the threat to the Catholic family these clergy are worried about?
Referendum I is a proposal to give same sex partners the same benefits as married couples in areas of medical benefits, insurance and confidential medical care. The referendum would become specific only to the state of Colorado and have no legality in any other state.
The benefits of Referendum I is provision of health care to a significant other, provision of legal standing to a partner in the case of a medical emergency in order to make critical decisions and to allow a partner to be the beneficiary of insurance in case of a death of the significant other. This would honor the wishes of the partner in the disbursing of benefits.
The three clergy in their letter read to all parishes in the state of Colorado claim Referendum I is simply recognition of same sex marriage and therefore a threat to marriage and the family.
It seems strange the Church should oppose health benefits, medical decision making of the person closest to the patient and insurance benefits given to the most loved of the deceased. Still stranger is how this in any way threatens marriages and families.
If I recall correctly, the Catholic Church only recognizes a marriage of a man and a woman married in the Church. That marriage is supposedly a lifetime partnership of the man and woman and an irrevocable contract of faith.
Of course if we look at the state of heterosexual marriages in the United States we’ll find a divorce rate of 50% or greater. It’s doubtful that horrendous failure rate has anything to do with same sex unions. It’s likely the failures of marriages in this country have more to do with the lack of faith in the concept of marriage, immaturity of the man and woman and inadequate counseling by family and clergy.
So instead of worrying about the issue of same sex marriage it seems the leaders of the Church might want to put more emphasis on preserving the concept of fidelity to heterosexual marriage by men and women.
What’s also sad and shameful about the uproar caused by Chaput, Sheridan and Tafoya over same sex unions is the diversion it creates from some truly urgent matters we face in this country and world wide.
The three have yet to make a clear statement concerning the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. There’s been no statewide reading of a letter to parishes to condemn the war in Iraq based on the lies of our government.
There’s been no statement to recognize the 650,000 dead Iraqis and nearly 3000 dead Americans as immoral and illegal. There’s been no outrage or organized opposition by the Church to a war portrayed as a “crusade” against the axis of evil. A war sold to the world with lies and deceit of immoral leaders in Washington, D.C..
Chaput in a recent interview by Jean Torkelson of the Rocky Mountain News denies he endorsed Bush in the last presidential election because it would violate the rules of a non-profit organization endorsing any candidate. When confronted with his statement against John Kerry’s candidacy based on views about abortion and same sex unions, Chaput protested he didn’t say the things quoted to him.
The reporter read Chaput’s words to him verbatim. He acknowledged them but evasively stated they weren’t meant to endorse any candidate. Of course he never made any type of statement to question the war or the other immoral acts of the President.
To quote Chaput himself in his remarks about John F. Kennedy’s political views on the state-church relationship….”if it quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.” If it sounds like an endorsement, Archbishop, it must be an endorsement.
The deceptions of the clergy about issues that threaten no one but those who refuse to recognize the reality of sexual preference by some is hypocritical and shameful. The endorsement of an amendment so hateful to gays and lesbians is hardly something I could envision Christ endorsing. To add to the hate by opposing a proposal that only helps individuals live a better life is not in keeping with the love inherent in Christ’s teachings.
Shame on you, Archbishops.


Wm. Terry Leichner, RN

Monday, October 23

God Doesn't Register to Vote

A letter was read at each mass in each parish of the Roman Catholic Church in Colorado this weekend.
The letter endorsed passage of the amendment to the state constitution defining marriage as “one man, one woman” to prevent same sex marriages. It also appealed for the “no” vote on the referendum to provide full benefits for same sex partners in areas of health care, life insurance and advanced directives for medical decisions.
The rationale for this endorsement and appeal was to protect the sanctity of marriage and the family as defined by the Church. It stated the family and marriage were in grave danger without passage of the amendment and refusal of the referendum.
The letter was signed by Archbishops Chaput, Sheridan and Tafoya of the three Colorado Catholic archdioceses.
These three have yet to send such a letter to address the now obviously illegal and immoral war.
In early October I was sent the following talk given by Tom Roberts, Editor of the National Catholic Reporter. I hope you’ll take time out to read the talk. It puts the issue of religious involvement in politics into a fair and rational perspective.
Peace,
Terry Leichner


God Doesn’t Register to Vote
a talk by
Tom Roberts,
Editor, National Catholic Reporter
to
Kansans For Faithful Citizenship
Sept. 23, 2006

If you’ve encountered the same kind of wisdom I did while growing up, then you’ve heard that if you want to remain a respected member of polite society you don’t bring up religion or politics. I leave you to draw your own conclusions about someone who would accept an invitation to speak of both at the same time.

That said, one need look no further than a well-known saint to ground this in some respectability, so I’d like to begin today with a short reflection on St. Thomas More, who exemplifies the champion of principle, someone who went to his death rather than betray his conscience. It is said that on the guillotine just before he was beheaded, he remarked: “I am the king’s good servant, but God’s first.”

More is also referred to in a 2002 document of the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in a note “on some questions regarding the participation of Catholics in political life,” and I figure it is a singular indication of grace whenever the Vatican and I are in agreement. In that document, More is cited as the Patron of Statesmen and Politicians who, through his martyrdom, gave witness to “the inalienable dignity of the human conscience.” It notes that More refused to compromise, and that he “taught by his life and his death that ‘man cannot be separated from God, nor politics from morality.’”

I agree with all of that and for many of the same reasons I find More a favorite historical figure and saint. It is essential to note, however, that while More was, in the end, resolute about his fate, he did not go to it willingly or without examining every angle for a way out.

The playwright Robert Bolt, in one scene of “A Man for All Seasons,” has More explaining to his daughter and son-in- law: “God made the angels to show him splendor – as he made animals for innocence and plants for their simplicity. But Man he made to serve him wittily, in the tangle of his mind! If he suffers us to fall to such a case that there is no escaping, then we may stand to our tackle as best we can, and yes ... then we may clamor like champions ... if we have the spittle for it. And no doubt it delights God to see splendor where He only looked for complexity. But it’s God’s part, not our own, to bring ourselves to that extremity! Our natural business lies in escaping.”

In another scene in that wonderful play, Bolt has More speaking again to son-in-law Roper who, in one of his frequent overheated moments is clamoring like the champion, declaring that he would cut down all the laws in England to get at the Devil. “And when the last law was down,” More asks, “and the Devil turned round on you – where would you hide ... the laws all being flat? ... Yes, I’d give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety’s sake.”

Roper then accuses More of worshiping the law as his god, and More, weary with the discourse, says bluntly: “Oh, Roper, you’re a fool, God’s my god .... But I find him rather too subtle … I don’t know where he is nor what he wants.”

I seek your indulgence for this brief disquisition on Thomas More because I’d like to extrapolate from this complex and intriguing life three points that may be relevant to our own time. And they would be, of course, in addition to the obvious point, that individual conscience, well formed, is inviolable:

First, people will resist to great lengths allowing someone else to impose on them a belief or standard that they do not hold or that violates conscience. We don’t have a king today, but substitute religious leaders and politicians who use language that sounds more like religious dictates conveyed directly from God and not as political dialogue that seeks to persuade in the marketplace of ideas, and I think you have some sense of why there is such bitter division. When a bishop says those who are involved with stem cell research, for instance, are committing genocide or a conservative evangelical politician announces that Christians must take over the government for Christ, people of goodwill, religious and nonreligious, will tend to dig in their heels to protect their consciences, their civility and their own ideas about religion and its place in the halls of power.

Second, those who believe we have absolute right and certainty plus the will of God on our side, are capable of cutting down all the trees in order to get to the devil, or at least to bend the rest of the world to our way of thinking. A surprising number of people believe the United States enjoys God’s special favor in foreign affairs, even when the country is in the midst of two open-ended wars; even when its leaders advocate the use of torture, holding detainees without limit, without charges and with no access to legal representation or legal proceedings; even when secret trials and secret prisons are the order of the day and when detainees, without charge, are swept up and sent off on “extraordinary rendition” flights to third countries where, most often, they are tortured. Such a God would have to ignore a great deal in the texts we say he inspired in order to give assent.

And third, be suspicious of those who, like Roper, are certain of God’s will for all of us. I’ll opt instead for More’s understanding of a God who is more often than not difficult to discern in this human business and who only infrequently calls us to absolute clarity.
I think it is safe to say that we can be assured that God has no party affiliation, does not register to vote and would likely have much to say to partisans on all sides about where we all fall short.

In this regard, however, one must quickly add that God the merciful would probably also give credit to those who have joined the fray, who recognize complexity where some demand simplicity, and who are genuinely wrestling, sometimes wittily and sometimes in a rather dull way, with the difficult issues of the day.

Allow me one more point that I think is pertinent: And that is, for all of his grand virtue, More was an advocate of executing heretics for crimes against beliefs that today would be considered differences of belief and practice hardly worthy of a rebuke in church. We can only be grateful that one age’s ultimate truths and absolutes become malleable in another. And that might be something we keep in mind as we contemplate our certainties about such issues as homosexuality and homosexuals’ place in our society and our churches. I don’t think it is any concession to a culture of relativism or to any other dark forces that today we would think it unconscionable to behead people because they do not believe or live as we see fit.

In the final analysis, I think More’s life makes the case well that religion and politics (or religion and power) are at their best when they inform each other, partners in an exchange of ideas and of principle and expediency. When they mix, when they attempt to too closely share the same space, things can get dangerous.

We live today in an age of expanding religion and a diminishing god. Religion has spread, like a thin layer of dust, over our political and civil discourse. It covers much but often doesn’t get very deep. The condition is evident, certainly, on the extreme right, when God is summoned as a kind of party regular. I think it is, unfortunately, becoming increasingly evident on the left – with blogs on God’s politics and endless musing about the value of values voters and attempts to one-up each other in establishing our religious bone fides. Face it, when Rep. Nancy Pelosi begins quoting Pope Benedict XVI from the House floor, as she did recently in support of some measure, we’ve reached new heights of the politically and religiously absurd.

Religion in this new political context has developed code words and implied messages about who’s with God and who isn’t; about who has values and who doesn’t; about what political issues constitute true religion and which are merely marginal, a matter of “prudential” judgment.

Religion placed at the beck and call of partisan politics strains the credibility of religion to the breaking point. It has little to do with seeking the common good. In service of this thin religion, God has been dragged into the public discussion in a way that demeans all that is holy. From the fundamentalists and evangelicals in the United States who have long felt shunned and who have made their bargain with power politics; to the Catholic bishops willing to make grand compromises on the toughest parts of their social agenda to make their bargain with power on a few narrow issues; to radical Islamists who use old animosities and understandable frustrations to fuel an irrational and violent politics, God is said to be everywhere and on the side of everyone.

According to a recent poll of American religious beliefs conducted for Baylor University , one out of five Americans believes in a God who favors the United States in worldly affairs. I find that a frightening statistic, both for what it means for foreign policy and what it means for religion. Paul Froese, who teaches sociology of religion at Baylor and helped devise the survey, told Religion News Service the results show that “The idea of God, the belief in God, can be in a political sense exploited for nationalist purposes.”
I believe we need to unchain God from our smallness, from our restricted imaginations, and stand in awe of the unknowable. We must stop enlisting God in our causes, as sponsor of our ambitions and greed. We must stop insisting that we know precisely what God believes about issues, about political strategies and whose side he cheers in the spasms of human violence we call war.

Does that mean, though, that God is remote and removed; that God has nothing to do with our lives? Does it mean that our religions, however inadequate, have nothing to do with how we approach public policy issues and the giant ethical questions that seem to proliferate with each new advance in science and technology?

Of course not. What we believe; what affects most deeply who we are and the convictions we hold are the most important elements we can bring to any public process. Those are the things that make a community rich and vital.

I would not be doing what I do—decades in journalism focused on issues of social justice, reporting on the marginalized, those most deeply affected by poverty, by war and by the deepening divisions between what John Paul II called the rich North and the poor South—had it not been for a host of teachers from the religious community along the line of my life.

I would have fewer questions – and likely different kinds of questions—about foreign policy, militarism, military spending, exploitation of the earth’s resources and humans’ responsibility toward creation, including the extremes of life, were it not for the teaching and the lives of such figures as Daniel and Philip Berrigan, Dorothy Day, Thomas Merton, Archbishop Oscar Romero, Mother Teresa, Sr. Joan Chittister and the good and patient Oblates at DeSales University in Pennsylvania.

Could our consciences have been formed as they are to detest the deep sin of racism had it not been for the powerful witness of Dr. Martin Luther King? It was more than a passing detail in his biography that he was a well educated Baptist minister whose convictions found their most eloquent expression through the cadence of Christian scriptures. Nor is it insignificant that his message was incubated in the Black religious community and his philosophy of nonviolence was inspired not just by the teachings of Jesus but also by the life and writings of another deeply religious giant of 20th century thought and politics, Mahatma Ghandi.

For most of us, our corporate and individual histories are intimately and irreversibly linked with faith and religious traditions.

The real concern for me is not that people of faith and their leaders should be involved in politics. I think religion has a great deal to say to the political world. But when a candidate for attorney general sends out a memo entitled “Church efforts” outlining how best to exploit churches and pastors, and people of faith during an election cycle, churches should be very cautious. In this case religion is no longer informing politics, it is either being used by it unwittingly or complicit in a dangerous dance.

No, for me the great fear is that over time religion, including my own Catholicism, will be so co-opted and manipulated in the political arena that it will become unrecognizable as a faith community. My fear is that if we continue to deal as lobbyists – tacitly throwing support behind a party or a politician for his or her promises on a favorite issue and willing to ignore the others – we’ll be unable to speak to power with the force of the prophet.

It’s already happened on the red button issue of abortion.

An aside here for anyone taking notes with the intent of running off to find the nearest bishop. I am not here taking issue with church teaching. I think that if the church in its public pronouncements were not upholding the value of life all along its spectrum the world would be a much poorer place. What I am taking issue with is political tactics and strategy.

Some years ago during one of the U.S. bishops’ annual meetings, I spoke with a highly placed prelate who was one of the leading anti-abortion activists in the hierarchy. It was a private conversation and he volunteered that during the 12 years of the Reagan and first Bush administrations the church had been, in his words, “badly used.” What he meant was that for all the work the bishops had done to deliver the Catholic vote to politicians promising to do all manner of things to fight abortion, little had happened.

The next day I encountered a lay person who was a national figure in the bishops pro-life campaign and I repeated the bishop’s assessment. The lay leader agreed, and then added that not only had Catholics been badly treated but in many cases were now stuck with legislators who, in addition to doing little to advance the pro-life cause, had actually worked against many of the other issues on the bishops’ social justice agenda.

Of course, neither would say anything on the record; nor would they tell their Catholic constituents that they had been badly used. But it was hardly a secret. Anyone who paid attention knew they were being used. And I can understand the real-life politics of that. You don’t lightly cross those who’ve got the power and the votes. But that is the corrupting element. Who knows, over those 12 years, how many other issues were soft-pedaled for the sake of promises on the abortion issue?

In a very real sense, it is a modern version of cutting down all the trees to get at the devil; all the old restraints that kept religious practitioners and political practitioners at healthy distances get trampled. And then you end up with something like the Rev. Rod Parsley, the Ohio pastor and ally of gubernatorial candidate Ken Blackwell, announcing that he wants to lend his mega church’s resources to fellow pastors and “work together in unity to win this state for Jesus Christ.”

And one must wonder what goes through the minds of the faithful going to synagogue for Rosh Hashanah or to mosque for Friday prayers. We have to be careful, I think, because it can happen that blatantly. Or it can happen more obliquely, but just as apparently, when a bishop announces the conditions for which Catholics can vote for candidates or precisely how candidates must approach an issue or face censure at the altar rail.

Religion and politics are very different arenas. In one the practitioners bring moral clarity and theological certainty; in the other the practitioners may bring to the table a desire to do the right thing, but they also bring with them the need to keep and accumulate power. It was James Madison who said “The truth is all men having power ought to be mistrusted.”

That is why I think the Interfaith Alliance offers good advice when it says: “Our nation can benefit from a recovery of a real, vital and viable partnership between religion, politics and government in which each treats the other realms with appreciation and respect without seeking to confuse them or join forces with them.”

In order to keep power in the political arena, political practitioners must be willing to compromise, and sometimes severely, if the situation requires. That happened in 2004 when Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania, one of the most outspoken anti-abortion activists in Congress, campaigned for his fellow Pennsylvania Senator, Arlen Specter, one of the most notorious pro-choice Republicans in the Senate, in his bid for reelection over Specter’s pro-life opponent. Why did our moral crusader, one who is incredibly quick to condemn those he deems are part of the culture of death, choose to back Specter?

Simple. Politics. Power in this case trumps principle. Santorum calculated that it was most important to keep a Republican majority.

I don’t know of any bishop who dared sanction Santorum for campaigning for a powerful pro-abortion colleague. Even the absolutists among us find there are limits to principle.
The point here is not to diminish the significance of church teaching or to point out someone’s inconsistencies. We all have them. The emphasis, instead, is on making sure that we understand the difference between church teaching and church politics.

One politician may determine that his approach is to fight to eliminate abortion – all or nothing – and he may be successful among his constituents with that approach, even if he delivers little in real terms. Another politician may decide that the best approach is not to seek elimination of or criminalization of abortion but to work hard for expansion of social structures and services that would immediately decrease the number of abortions. And numbers, we are told, to indicate such an approach works.

What is essential to understand is that both politicians can be working out of deep religious convictions without making their work an article of faith for everyone else. It is also essential to understand that neither is working from holy writ – God does not deliver political strategies or show up to endorse candidates on the stump. This is the part that requires all of us, politicians, and voters, activists of every stripe, to work in the tangle of our minds to find our way through the thickets of ethical, political, moral and practical problems that the modern world throws our way.

Some religious leaders might try to make it easy by moving out of our way all of the other complexities – war, poverty, sexism, militarism, environmental degradation and so on – by presenting us with a list of priorities, a kind of moral calculus for the easily confused lay electorate, and by telling us that there is only one approach ordained by God to tackling this thicket of issues. But it’s a false path to cheap grace.

There is no single, easy, one-size-fits-all solution to today’s political problems. There is no single way to be a good Catholic, or Presbyterian or Baptist or Jewish or Muslim voter. Each of us must inform our consciences, weigh the particulars in each instance, consult the consistent ethic of life– all the challenges we face – and then make our decision.

The fact that there are differences in approach was most evident during the last presidential election when some bishops were threatening to ban from communion – the central act of faith in the Catholic community – politicians who did not vote as the bishops deemed correct on the matter of abortion. Some even extended the threat to those who would vote for those candidates.

Cardinals McCarrick of Washington and Francis George of Chicago and numerous other bishops individually let it be known that they would not use the Eucharist to make a political point.

And the bishops jointly ultimately released a statement essentially saying the same thing.
During that period, our Vatican correspondent, John Allen, reported that Pope John Paul II had twice distributed communion to high profile pro-abortion politicians.

In 2001, during a large outdoor mass celebrating the end of the Jubilee Year in Rome , John Paul personally distributed communion to Francesco Rutelli, a well-known Catholic, the Mayor of Rome and one of the leaders in liberalizing Italian abortion laws. Two years later, in a private ceremony in the pope’s apartment, John Paul gave communion to British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who had long supported abortion rights and was an Anglican as well.

Allen further reported several times that the abortion issue held to a much lower profile among the hierarchy in Europe than it did in America. I mention these examples because as the campaign season heats up, I think Catholics will have to keep in mind that among the bishops in the United States and around the world there is no monolithic approach to any of the burning political issues. Further, while church teaching is a major factor in the formation of conscience, and both the Vatican and the U.S. bishops have issued statements serving as guidelines on responsible citizenship, no one has issued infallible rules for engaging in electoral politics. Nor would they.

One measure of the ability of our religious leaders and moralists to adapt flexible approaches to life issues is to understand that across this land bishops and priests find a way to accommodate in our sanctuaries and at the altar rail those who design, manufacture and are prepared to use weapons that have been repeatedly condemned by popes; weapons that by their very existence threaten all of life as we know it. In addition, an endless array of moral loopholes is available to those who want to justify war in all of its manifestations which, unlike with other issues, we are forced to support with our taxes and encouraged to make possible with the lives of our sons and daughters. We even supply the chaplains.

I don’t want to appear unnecessarily contentious or make this exercise unnecessarily burdensome. The upside, as I see it, is that our concern about religion and politics and how they can be made to work for the common good has nudged us and many others across the country – and on the many sides of political divides – to meet in hotels and church halls and community centers to discuss our futures and how we will shape them.
There is so much to do. While we live amid incredible abundance and benefit from the latest in technology and science, many among us live on the edge:

In 2005, 37 million people or 12.6 percent of the population were in poverty. That figure includes 7.7 million families and 12.9 million children under the age of 18. That’s a lot of hungry kids living often in terrible circumstances.

46 million people have no health insurance coverage and they and many more receive inadequate health care.

The distance between those who have and those in need is growing greater, we are constantly told; here in the richest country the world’s ever known.

Globally, the population of refugees from horrible violence keeps growing, as do the victims of tribal and ethnic wars;

While the U.S. stands 36th in the world in the category of infant mortality, with 6.63 deaths per 1,000 live births, we rank first by hundreds of billions in military spending. It now lies somewhere between $420 billion and $507 billion, not counting the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq or the money from the Energy Department for the development of nuclear weapons. U.S. military spending comprises 47 percent of the world’s total.
We need to ask if we’re setting the correct priorities.

The world groans for our attention, for our compassion, for all the skills one can find in this room and much more. It is in deep need of all the forces that have brought us to this point – all the spiritual and intellectual formation we have undergone.

We people of faith ought to make all politicians, left, right and center, nervous with our convictions. We shouldn’t sell our franchise on the cheap or make ourselves predictable.
Politicians ought to fear losing our votes because of what they do or don’t do to foster life at its earliest stages no more than they fear losing our votes because they ignore the poor at home and abroad or because they engage in pre-emptive wars or ignore threats to the environment or walk away from international treaties.

To bring justice across the spectrum of issues demanding our attention requires a robust faith, not one that seeks to shrink the horizon and make things easy.

Most of all, the world needs our deep commitment to justice; however one sees that being exercised in the real world. Cardinal McCarrick, writing recently in the Jesuit publication, America, on Restoring Civility to Political Discourse, quotes Benedict XVI’s assertion that “the just ordering of society and the state is a central responsibility of politics.” The pope continued: “Politics is more than a mere mechanism for defining the rules of public life: its origin and its goal are found in justice, which by its very nature has to do with ethics.”

There is still room for nobility in this matter of public service. And time for work. We have not yet been called to the point of no escaping.

# # #
Tom Roberts

Wednesday, October 18

Can't Have it Both Ways







http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig7/philion1.html

I was sent this article of an interview with Jerry Lembcke, Professor of Sociology at Holy Cross and VVAW member since his return from Vietnam in 1969.

Lembcke makes some interesting and relevant points about the anti-war movement’s beliefs. One is the myth of the Vietnam veterans being spat upon by Americans when the veterans returned to the shores of the U.S..

Like Lembcke I’ve always believed this was a myth. I’ve repeatedly asked vets I’ve encountered if they had been spit on or knew anybody who had been spit on. The closest I’ve come is they knew someone who said they’d been spit on.

My own opinion of how the myth came about is the general feeling of returned veterans from Vietnam that their country had abandoned them when it was clear the war was going sour.

There was a psychological impression that we’d been spit on by many fellow Americans. What I experienced was either an angry attitude toward me for taking part in “killing babies” or a general sense of apathy with anything concerning the war.

I remember many parties I went to with old high school friends that I felt like an alien from another planet. I had the experiences of combat still fresh in my mind and felt a need to talk about it.

I soon found out talking about “it” would lead to me being even more of a pariah. My own friends would invariably ask me if “I’d killed somebody over there” followed by asking how it felt to kill someone.

When I enrolled at the University of Colorado in Boulder I felt like an alien. I was 19 but felt totally distanced from students the same age. This estrangement led me to gravitate to the UMC area where other vets hung out.

We’d end up sharing joints, telling war stories and skipping classes. All of us felt out of place amongst the students who had avoided going to war with deferments.

I also think us Vietnam veterans have to cop to playing the role of victims. The treatment of neglect and hostility by our countrymen surely isolated us. We broke off into our own tribe of vets aloof, angry and emotionally stunted.

The issue of PTSD wasn’t a consideration at the time. The diagnosis didn’t exist in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM).

Because we weren’t officially treated for the traumatic experiences until years later, we came together and attempted our own “slow boat ride home” without realizing it at times.

During WWII the troops went as units and returned as units in transport ships. By necessity they had to develop some form of unity and comradeship. The ride home gave them time to decompress somewhat following the horrors of what they experienced.

Troops in Vietnam for the most part didn’t come and go as a unit. Instead a system of troops arriving and departing individually was developed. Each individual had a personal date of expected return from overseas (DEROS).

When we left Vietnam most of us had no one from our unit leaving with us for the 15 hour flight back home. Instead of decompress by sharing our feelings and stories we tended to self medicate ourselves with the available booze on the flight.

Lembcke says “There’s a certain group of antiwar types who focus on what happens to the soldiers, how they’re damaged psychologically, physically,…I’ve been to a number of anti-war rallies now where all they talk about is PTSD and what happens to "our boys" when we send them off to war. It’s sort of a mirroring of the political right’s approach. They make the "support the troops" ideology the basis for supporting the war, and some strands in the anti-war movement now mimic that we need to oppose the war by "supporting the troops" and, I’ve been to some antiwar protests where very very little is said about the war itself!

We hear instead about getting the troops the help they need and heart rendering stories of parents of sons who have committed suicide after they come home, etc. That stuff from the anti-war left is as beclouding as similar rhetoric from the right, in that it takes us away from a political discourse, which we need in order to focus our energies around stopping the war and its causes. “

I agree with what he says. We can’t use supporting the troops as our main topic or our main focus. I do think we can put the issues of PTSD and “what happens to our boys (and young women –my words) when we send them to war" in some context of the main issue of the war itself.

I believe the voices of the combatants can be a powerful voice in opposing the war. Lembcke mentions the movie “Sir, No Sir” as a powerful example of troops during Vietnam resisting against the military.

“Well, the GI antiwar movement became a vitally important part of the antiwar movement during Vietnam. And that is likely to be the case today also. Lots of people are asking what’s the difference between today and Vietnam? Why isn’t there a movement today? One possible answer is that the movement within the military is not quite congealed yet, but that the potential is there. Hopefully Sir! No Sir! can have an effect on accelerating that development a bit.”

I plead guilty to being one of those pushing the PTSD issue as a speaker and activist against the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. I do stress a reason why I speak so passionately about PTSD.

I firmly believe we need to intercede earlier rather than later in treating the trauma of the veterans not only for the sake of the veterans but for the sake of families, friends and the communities the vets live in.

By intervening early to treat PTSD we avoid and prevent the phenomenon of secondary PTSD inflicted on significant others by veterans. We prevent substance abuse, alcoholism, homelessness, incarceration, child abuse, spouse abuse, murder and several other destructive actions by untreated veterans.

For me, the main reason associated with ending the war and assuring treatment for the veterans is the potential of the emotionally healthy vet being a powerful voice to testify against the war and the militarism leading nations to war.

Iraq and Afghan veterans can be as powerful as their predecessors who resisted the Vietnam conflict. They can be the sequel to “Sir, No Sir” but we must assure they are equipped to do so. That means assuring treatment for those in need.

One of the things I’ve come to resent about “Sir, No Sir” is the historical timeline presented. It precluded many active duty troops who made a stand in Vietnam or immediately following Vietnam well before an organized resistance came to be.

I personally witnessed a black Marine with a sterling record in combat that came to the decision he couldn’t participate in the war any longer. This happened in Phu Bai.

The Marine was sent to the infamous prison system of the military in Vietnam and was slated to return to a combat unit to finish the remainder of his tour in Vietnam following his incarceration.

He never backed down despite constant abuse and pressure by commanders.

There were many of us who returned from Vietnam with time still left to serve in the military. Many of us reached the same decision as that Marine stranded in Vietnam.

We actively opposed the military alone without support of groups or others in our companies. Our support group became the others we ended up being incarcerated with following arrests or court martial.

There is an issue of responsibility that is necessary for the peace movement to include in its message. Veterans can’t be exonerated for individual actions violating the rights of another human.

The torture and abuse of a nation’s people can’t be written off as something that happens in time of war. We can’t plead we were only doing our duty if we know our actions were immoral and inhumane.

Too often I encounter vets who say they’re members of the peace movement but their beliefs and actions don’t demonstrate they are. Too often I sense an attitude of the barracks mentality I found in the Marine Corps. Too often there seems to be a reluctance to truly give up the militaristic lifestyle.

I meet vets who remember exact details about weapons, planes and equipment they used in Vietnam. I find myself feeling inadequate because I forgot those details. I gave up talking about them.

There are vets who take pride in wearing the uniform of their branch of service. It’s difficult for me to reconcile this pride with membership in a movement crying out for the end of war and violence.

I meet vets who have no qualms saying they aren’t pacifists and believe there’s times when wars are necessary. They’ve told me the wars in Vietnam and Iraq were wrong but indicated they’d support a “justified war”.

There are quite a few who feel the U.S. was justified to enter into a war in Afghanistan because of a 9-11 connection. We were there to “take down” Bin Laden.

No doubt my words will offend many of the veterans.

I just have to say what part of killing children, destroying communities, killing our young men and women don’t they get? What part of Smedley Butler’s words “war is a racket” do they fail to understand? What part of their children and grandchildren fighting the next “justified war” escapes their thinking?

How many dollars have to be drained from the social programs of this nation does it take to understand the results of war? How many schools need to be overcrowded and dangerous to enter as a result of the military industrial complex?

When will we begin to look at the militarism of this nation and conclude we allow our children to be programmed to believe in the culture of violence?

We can’t have it both ways. We can’t dress up in the uniform of imperialism, consumerism and fascism and claim we’re peace activists.

We can’t say one nation’s people deserve our bombs but say bombing another country is immoral. These are not utopian thoughts. They are practical and realistic conclusions that we either end our militarism and violence or we cease to exist.

Wm. Terry Leichner, RN
http://combatvetsvisionsofpeace.com



Thursday, October 12

The Symbols of Loss





I held out against seeing the boots of the Eyes Wide Open exhibit again because I was struggling with my memories of another war. I’m exhausted from lack of sleep. I wake from the little sleep I do get in great pain from three degenerative discs in my lumbar region causing sciatica running down my leg. It started during the march from Mobile to New Orleans back in March of this year.

I’m old and seeing the boots representing the deaths of the young dying in Iraq is another trauma I really didn’t want to see again. I saw the boots in D.C. in 2005. I saw them again in Mobile in 2006. I’ve looked at photos of this war time and again in researching for presentations I prepare on PTSD and militarism. I didn’t want to see the boots again.

Really, I didn’t want to see them again but yesterday morning after getting my coffee as usual at my local 7-Eleven I felt compelled to go to Civic Center Park here in Denver to see the damn boots. And the shoes representing what is now estimated to be 650,000 Iraqis killed since the beginning of the preemptive war of George W. Bush.

It was a bright and glorious fall day in Denver. The skies were blue as possible. The temperature was cool but comfortable. It was a day meant for walking in the forest shuffling in the leaves carpeting the ground. Not a day to look at memorials to the war dead. Still, I drove to Civic Center and parked at a two hour meter a block from the boots.

Crossing 14th on Bannock I saw the rows of boots in the morning sun running from the Bannock sidewalk to almost the center walkway of the park. Rows of boots four feet apart, aligned in straight military lines captured my sight line.

The number of boots had dramatically changed since my last visit. The sunshine couldn’t hide the sadness of the view. The dark boots symbolized the mood that crept into my mind.

I started at the site of the shoes representing the dead Iraqis. I took mental notes of ages of the dead listed. The ages ran the gamut from infant to ages in the eighties.

The photos of the beautiful Iraqi children were familiar and haunting. The photos of adults in grief and pain were some I had used in my own presentations.

I looked at the eyes of those photos and felt their sadness. I looked at the beauty of faces and felt the loss and tragedy.

The complete insanity of war is that we can see such wonderful faces as evil and dangerous because we’re told they are by politicians and spin masters of the media.

I no longer see what they want me to see. I see brothers and sisters of the human family that have become victims of our insanity.

I wondered how much of the park the shoes of 650,000 dead Iraqis would take up. I could only imagine a sea of shoes going for blocks.

Shoes that could be worn by people like those in the photos in the exhibit. Baby shoes, shoes of the elderly, shoes of teens, shoes of the young woman, shoes of a poet, shoes of a bride and groom, shoes of a teacher……putting a face to tragedy makes it real and even more tragic.

Denying the death toll and the individuals killed is as mean spirited and callous as we humans can be.

As hard as I tried I couldn’t grasp the numbers represented by the shoes at the memorial for the dead Iraqis.

I had visions of dead Vietnamese children I’d seen in villages after our bombs were dropped. I remembered the lifeless bodies of the dead we stacked together during the Tet Offensive of 1968. It was surreal and my mind had to defend itself by detaching from the truth of what we did.

I felt my mind starting to detach, dissociate and depersonalize the truth of what we continue to do yesterday as I walked through the shoes of the memorial.

I turned and walked back to the military boots representing 2754 dead troops of the American armed forces. The numbers paled in comparison to the 650,000 represented by only a small fraction of shoes.

Still, I had met mothers and fathers of some of the dead American troops in the last three years. I knew of their grief. I understand as a parent the implication of losing my children but can’t fathom the reality of actually losing a child. The boots represented that reality.

I started at one end of the field of precisely aligned boots. Each pair of boots had a name, a rank, an age and the home state of the dead. I didn’t know exactly what I planned as I started through the rows.

Maybe I’d find the names of those whose parents I’d met. Like Liz Sweet’s son. Or Casey Sheehan, son of Cindy. Or Ferdinand Suarez Del Solar’s son, Jesus.

After the first two rows I knew I had to see each name. I wanted to have the names of the lives wasted by this insanity. I wanted to know the ages of the men and women we Americans have allowed to be killed for an ignoble reason. I needed to understand how much potential my country was willing to lose.

The ages of 18, 19 and the twenties kept jolting me as I passed the individual pair of boots. I kept finding the rank of LCPL and ages less than 25 for the many Marines represented.

I have a hard time believing I was 18 when I entered combat in Vietnam. I think of the 18 year old men and women I’ve met and can’t imagine them in combat. I look at my own sons now both in their early thirties and can’t imagine them in combat.

Row after row I slowly walked past the boots with names of the dead. Leaves from the trees of the park littered the ground. They seemed symbolic of the place and situation I was in. Fall is a time of struggle and loss for me as the sunshine diminishes and trees go bare.

Teddy bears, flowers, photos and personal mementoes were scattered among the pairs of boots. Poems and letters from family and lovers were with some. Each pair of boots represented a life ended and a future unfulfilled.

Family members now hold on to the memories of the lost son or daughter, brother or sister, father or mother, husband or wife. Each day becomes a struggle to remember and not lose the memories. And each day the memories fade just a little more because life continues and the human mind attempts to cope.

I remember my first journey to the Vietnam memorial. I found each name of my dead friends and I remembered them as they were….young, in their teens and twenties. My mind took me back to being 18 and 19 as I remembered. Tears came to my eyes. I remembered the loss of them and the loss of my own youth. But I couldn’t stay in that place in time there at the Wall. I eventually had to return to the here and now.

We create symbols to remember. I carried Tony Hernandez’ dog tags for years. I didn’t want to forget him. He was my brother and friend in 1968. And as I walked among the boots in the Texas section I came upon a pair of boots with the name Anthony Hernandez. Same name and same state as my friend…..different war.

How many Tony’s have we killed I wondered. My mind naturally went back to the times in 1968 when the Tony of my war shared a foxhole with me, smoked with me and talked about buying his grandmother a house and listened to my dreams.

The boots are symbols meaning different things to each individual. Each American should see them to understand the numbers 2754 ….or possibly more today….are individual members of our human family.

Each American should understand the impact of each life lost is a terrible ripple of darkness to families and friends. Each pair of boots I saw yesterday represented a face and life of someone important.

I’ve struggled with being an activist for some time. Too often there is conflict and disappointment in the attempt to make a difference. The path of the heart doesn’t always lead me to paths others share with me.

Somehow, though, the path of the heart does lead me to places like the Eyes Wide Open exhibit at a time when a reminder is needed. The sense of loss and grief can overwhelm but is a necessary reminder of important need to carry on the struggle.

I didn’t want to see the boots again but my heart led me back to them. I needed to be reminded as long as I breathe I have to care.
I have to care young men and women die in vain. I have to remember they’re being asked to take part in killing babies, innocent men and women and a part of their very soul. I have to remember families and friends grieving.

That’s why I ended up walking each row of boots, trying to absorb each name and age yesterday.

Wm. Terry Leichner, RN
http://combatvetsvisionsofpeace.com

Wednesday, October 4

Who's Reality Is It?


Me in 1971 with VVAW


So, in the middle of the night I received an email from a guy, Nic Werle, that says:

"Group started before 1971"

"Are you liar?"

"Or just psych patient?"

Well it's clear to me Nic was referring to my statement of being a co-founder of the Denver chapter of VVAW in 1971 along with national organizer, Brian Adams, and Steve Norris.

I responded by asking Nic if he knew these two, if he had taken part in walking the streets with leaflets and fliers, if he had been at the Aladdin Theater to hand out fliers to movie goers coming out of the movie "Johnny Got His Gun", if he knew former VVAW chapter head, Gary Mundt and if he knew something; where was he during this time? Being a little pissed I suggested he must have been one of many FBI plants that showed up during my time with VVAW.

Nic responded back telling me Gary started the VVAW in Denver in 1969, he had a photo of the banner, Gary had died of AIDS- was I the one who gave it to him, he had taken part in demonstrations during the 1969 time period, they figured out the plant had been "the Spanish guy", Gary had been elected to the national board in 1972-where was I at and was I one who tried to start violence.

Oh, he also informed me "Johnny Got His Gun" didn't play at the Aladdin; it played at the Esquire.

I responded again to Nic to tell him I'd been in Vietnam for part of 1969 and then continued to be in the Corps, I knew Gary had died of AIDS and only knew him after he joined with Pat Schroeder's staff, that there were many suspected plants who we ID'ed as the ones who suggested violence, that I met Brian at DU when he was sent by VVAW HQ to organize a Denver chapter, that I knew a professor at Metro who knew Brian, Steve and I as co-founders at that time in 1971, that I'd been included in an article in the Rocky Mountain News by Craig Barnes about the Denver version of the Winter Soldiers Investigation, that I too had a photo of a banner in DC (during the time vets threw medals over the White House fence), that I knew the movie had been at the Aladdin because I'd seen it there - verified by my girlfriend and now wife-and I'd done memographs at Brian's apartment to hand out at the Aladdin. I have this vivid memory of that because we listened to the Ali vs Frazier fight when Ali was allowed back in the ring for the first time since his draft refusal. He lost that night.

I also told Nic I didn't doubt his information since I knew VVAW had been in existence since 1967. I also knew chapters came and went depending on the vets and in 1971 there apparently wasn't a chapter since Brian was sent to organize. If you worked with us vets then and now too, I suppose, we weren't all that reliable in staying the course of hierarchal organizations. I also told him in 1972 I'd moved to Montana so didn't know who was in VVAW here in Denver.

I realize now the Montana move came later. In 1971 I fell in love with my wife. In 1972 I became disenchanted with VVAW because it had been taken over by a large number of former officers, there were too many suggesting violence and I was in the process of getting ready to get married.

At the end of my second response I told Nic if he felt the need to be angry and attack me, that was fine, "brother". I have a clear conscience about my history in VVAW.

I bring this craziness to my pages to let everybody know the accusation about me and my response.

There were chapters of VVAW in Ft. Collins, Pueblo and other parts of Colorado. I don't know if Gary was in one of those chapters or not. I do know I first met him many years later when he was Schroeder's aide for military affairs.

I don't claim to have been a president of the chapter or any form of a leader. I was a 21 year old grunt doing a lot of leg work to get the word out about our group. We didn't have internet in those days.

We did have memo's that got ink all over body and clothes. I may still have some ink on me. I remember we had a postcard flier that showed a "crispy critter" on the front ...that being a charred body as result of napalm...and words to the effect it was wrong and criminal to continue the war. Back then we wanted to upset folks about the carnage.

I don't know if Nic's email was meant to dissuade me or intimidate me but it will do neither. Oh....he also said the war is over "change the name". Guess he meant VVAW ..not sure.

As someone purporting to be a former member of VVAW, it didn't seem Nic was in the mold of most VVAW folks I've met. The hostility, the homophobic remark about AIDS, the general angry tone and wanting to change the name doesn't fit.

And Nic, if you're still out there. The wars still rage...different name...different generation....different location...same scenario.

I'm a former grunt and always will be. I continue to deal with the memories of 1968-69. I was 18 when I entered Vietnam and 19 when I left. I now know the effects of the violence and horror of war had a damaging effect on my emotions and way of dealing with life.

I was first treated for PTSD in 1981 at a Vet Center program on Gilpin St. here in Denver. My mom was dying and I was having multiple episodes of flashbacks and nightmares. I was screaming and threatening my children. I was yelling at my wife. I pondered suicide every day, every hour.

Those who know me know I resisted doing my duty once I returned from Vietnam. I had several episodes of AWOL and was finally declared a deserter. I was arrested Oct. 8, 1970 when 6 FBI agents raced up in cars from both sides of the block. They had pistols drawn and pointed at me and my father.

I was taken to the Denver city jail and held on a military hold awaiting armed escorts to come get me to take back to my unit in N.C.. I spent over a week in a cell shared by many others. There was one toilet in the middle of the cell for all of us.

An Italian guy connected with the Smalldones became a protector of me when he found out I was a Northsider. The Smalldones were the "mob" in my neighborhood. I went to school with one of the daughters and no one dared go out with her fearing the rep of the family.

Eventually two groups of escorts were sent for me. One group from N.C. and one from California. My mom feared I'd be imprisoned if I went back to N.C. and asked some congress person to intervene. Pete Dominic, I think. He was Republican.

The group of escorts from California was courtesy of the congress person. Still, it would be whichever escort group arrived first that would take me into custody. The group from California arrived just hours before the N.C. group I was told.

During my AWOL's and over one year absence from the Marines I came to know I could never take part in what they did again. I figured I would go to jail for a period of time. And I didn't care.

I did obtain a military lawyer from the Corps but felt he was going to let me hang without me ever getting a chance to speak about my reasons for leaving the Corps after my return from Vietnam.

I went to Oceanside and obtained an ACLU attorney. Very soon after that I was offered a deal. An Undesirable Discharge at the convenience of the military and I was free to go.

The name of the discharge couldn't have been more appropriate. I wanted to be undesirable to the rotten to the Corps, USMC. I was discharged Dec 10, 1970.

All my evals before my return from Vietnam were good to outstanding...including time in Vietnam as a combat infantryman. I was discharged as an E-4 after approximately 2 1/2 years of time in service. I was a Corporal at age 19. This wasn't the norm for obtaining rank. I got rank much sooner than most.

I've never upgraded that discharge. My mom took great pride in it. So do I. It's a symbolic sign of my resistance and continued resistance to the military. If some of you have a problem with it, so be it.

I don't like reviewing my time in the Corps. I was asked to go to a reunion of my old outfit this past year. They wanted me there because the mother of my former squad leader would be there.

I was the last person to see Norman alive. He died on January 30, 1968 as we walked across a rice paddy dike toward a tree line. A village was inside that tree line. We were ambushed by a battalion sized force of NVA. Norm got killed because he stood up on the dike yelling at me to fire my weapon.

It was the first firefight of my life. I became confused and disoriented by the ferocity of the attack. And I couldn't see a damn thing to fire at in that tree line. I did know we had Jim Ghent in the trees and didn't want to hit him firing my rifle at an enemy I didn't see.

I still carry the guilt about Norm. I think it's exacerbated by the fact I hated the fucker because he was a sadistic asshole. He took pleasure at bullying and abusing civilians. He took pleasure at going out of his way to kill them.

So, going to see Norm's mom wasn't in my schedule. I wasn't going to lie to her about Norm being a hero. I wasn't going to tell her I was partially responsible for his death because he was stupid enough to stand on top of a paddy dike to yell at me during an incredibly deadly firefight.

We later called the events of Jan 30-31, 1968 "The Alamo" because we were so badly outnumbered. Late in the night of Jan 30th a large sized force of NVA overran my company's command group position.

I was with a Marine from Puerto Rico in a foxhole at the edge of the paddy where the grass was about four feet tall. We were the first hole in the command group.

After hours of silence except the continual flares from the mortars of our weapons platoon there was a screeching yell and an eruption of AK fire with green tracers coming from a wide area along the paddy. The tracers came directly toward my hole in such volume we had to duck down below the edge of the hole to avoid getting hit.

We put our M16's over our heads to fire short bursts to both sides of the hole. My M16 was literally thrown from my hands as an AK round hit the barrel. I found the rifle that morning after sunrise. A round was lodged directly in the middle of the barrel. The barrel was bent and the AK round was half on one side and half on the other.

After I lost my M16 all I had was a few frags to toss out in front of our position. I waited to throw them until I felt there was an enemy soldier near us. It was almost impossible during the first volley of fire.

RPG's and mortars were also detonating all around us so the audio was extreme loud. After 15-30 minutes of madness, the firefight lessened in intensity. My foxhole buddy's M16 became jammed and inoperable. The M16's of that time were even worse crap than later on.

We later found out the ammo we used wasn't packing the appropriate amount of powder. The lessened explosion of the firing cap created a slowed bolt return of the rifle off the buffer plate and frequent jamming.

Congress later investigated Colt and the ammo manufacturer but it just became one of those "oops, sorry" things.

Their oops became our dilemma. All we had were frags in a very low number. We were pretty much fucked without rifles. So we made a decision. We'd low crawl into the tall grass to see if we could find a dead NVA or two and grab their AK's.

We did find dead NVA and requisitioned AK’s. On our crawl back toward our hole we saw our Lt.’s position being attacked by several uniformed NVA soldiers. We quickly decided we’d split up; one going wide of the position on one side and one of us trying to get to the position from the front.

I was the one crawling from the front. I immediately saw the Lt’s radio man being hit with the butts of rifles as he stood to protect the Lt.. I prepared to use the AK to fire at the NVA from about 30 yards. It took only a millisecond to sight and be ready to pull the trigger.

In that millisecond several more NVA appeared in the disco light of the illumination flares. They were less than ten yards away. They apparently had seen me as I watched concussion grenades floating in the air toward me. Time went into slow motion at that point. I can still see exact details of those few moments in my mind’s replay.

They were ChiCom grenades I’d seen before. Cans on a stick. My mind and body joined to take evasive action. I quickly rose in a low slouch moving backwards to my right several yards. Two more grenades followed the first one. I could see them floating in the strobe lighting of flickering flares.

I thought my time had come. My mind’s panic seemed to calm and I felt a sense of acceptance that it was over. It was just a thought of “oh fuck!” and a flash and bang. I woke up with ringing ears and major headache. I’d survived with ruptured eardrum and concussion.

Much more occurred on my awakening. Body counts, prisoners, our wounded and dead, assembling the remaining members of the company, entering the village decimated by napalm, mortars, RPG’s and rifle fire. We’d killed or wounded a large number of the NVA battalion. A sure victory for us. No one was cheering.

Now I don’t know if Nic was there or not. He may have a different version of my reality he’d like to impart. I suspect he’d say I was a bad, bad Marine because of my absences once home.

I’m sure my initial failure to fire would be a sign of cowardice to Nic…causing a good Marine to get killed. I’m sure he would not believe the happenings of those two days. If they weren’t so firmly imprinted in my mind, I’d not believe it.

I talked with one of the guys in another platoon there that day. He was the one inviting me to the reunion. We got talking about “the Alamo” events. He told me he’s on 100% disability because of what he saw and had to do. He escaped without physical injury but told me,” Alamo fucked me up, brother.”

I told him, “I hear you, brother.” I didn’t want to go there with him. I don’t like war stories with vets. It’s like ripping open a stitched wound stitch by stitch until blood and pus start to flow. It takes days before I can clean it all up in my mind.

So, there it is. Nic and anybody else can dispute my reality if they choose. I go to bed with it every night. I wish they’d take it off my hands if they are so interested in changing my history. Give me whatever so my memory just fucking fails me. Do me that favor and I’ll just shut up.

Until then I’m not going to be quiet. I’m not going to be intimidated. I’m old and don’t care what is said or done that tries to discredit me. I’ve never tried hiding my past with the discharge and all. Nic can call me a “fag” if that’s his implication, he can call me whatever he wants.

Welcome home, brother. Too bad my reality upsets you that way.

Wm. Terry Leichner, RN